The truth of the visions
by ShinichiKudoOwnsMySoul
Summary: He didn't know whether this was fiction or reality. But life has a nasty way of digging up old wounds from a past life. For Kirito the Black Swordsman is actually Lelouch vi Britannia reincarnate, and his precious Asuna is Shirley Fenette. What happens when their past life memories interfere with their lives now? The young swordsman will discover the secrets of his past.
1. Chapter 1 Kirito

One: Reality or Illusions (Reincarnation fanfic) Edited 7/22/16

* * *

He isn't sure whether this is reality or a dream. The one thing he can say for certain is that the feelings coming from it are definitely able to be perceived.

Reality, the real world, other people-those were always things, that as a young child, he'd never had the time for or interest in. He'd never really been able to focus on socializing with other children-he was far too busy, lost in his own little world, talking to his aunt and uncle.

Oh, he's known full well that they're not his real parents-and for some reason, he doesn't feel bad about his parents dying.

It's almost like, like...they deserved to die. He knows he must never say such things about the dead. But when he pictures his mother, he can picture something utterly chilling that makes his bones shudder. A sweet angel, but hidden behind it is crimson madness and an urge to make the world bow down to her desires-and his father-oh, dear lord...no...no...he does not even want to think about his father.

When Kazuto Kirigaya sits in his room at night and thinks of his father, he pictures someone mean and cruel. So that is why he finds it hard to get along well with his uncle. He keeps superimposing someone else on top of his nice uncle.

He knows it's wrong.

But everything is wrong, somehow.

Kazuto is an unusual child, his aunt and uncle notice. He is far too subdued, far too uninterested in things for a child his own age. He is very smart, very intelligent-good with puzzles and games, but put him in front of people and he just freezes up. He is an introvert, preferring to be left to his own thoughts.

By the time he is around five or six, he can play chess and other games in a very impressive way. By the time he is around seven, he is already playing video games like a pro, something that amazes his aunt and uncle.

His uncle encourages his gaming habits, seeing it as a good way for the boy to burn off stress from school and from the pressure his school work puts on him.

But Kazuto...absolutely hates to sleep at night. He hates the dark, because when it's dark, all the comfortable, nice things go away, and he's left with his mind and the utter horrors it unleashes upon him in the darkness.

Once, he dreamed of his eye burning because someone poured oil into his eyes...and then both eyes were burning and it hurt so bad that he wanted to die. Another time, the young boy dreams of feeling like he can't breathe...he looks down in time to see a bloody blade sticking out of his chest, and screams, an ear-piercing one that wakes up the entire family.

His uncle charges into his bedroom to see young Kazuto, panting, fighting wildly against his covers, against an invisible opponent, before he stops, looks up at his uncle and starts bawling. Perhaps it is because of these dreams that he starts looking after his sister-no, not his real sister-they're cousins.

How was Kazuto supposed to live a lie?

'You have lived one all your life,' The voice inside his mind whispers, but he ignores it.

'Ignorance is bliss, Kazuto Kirigaya, and one day you shall be made to see the truth.'

He ignores the voice at any chance he gets, preferring instead to retreat into his video games, in an effort to find himself and also stop the madness, stop the crazy dreams, and just be himself for once.

He preferred to ignore Suguha, his cousin, because for some reason, he feels as though he needs to avoid her, otherwise, something bad will-has-happened and will happen again.

Every time he even _glances _at his little sister, he feels a sharp pang of regret tear through his heart-and the worst part is, he has no idea what causes these feelings to happen. They just occur, and then he is left stunned, confused and ever more afraid of what he doesn't understand about himself.

Every time her big, blue eyes look into his, he can swear he's seen those eyes before-those innocent, gentle blue eyes, filled with crimson red, as their owner happily guns down person after person, drops of crimson staining her lovely lavender dress, all the while, she is smiling. As though it is some big joke only known to her and her alone.

And then he recalls the same girl, falling to the ground like a broken doll, after being shot-and then, and then...silence. Why would he do something like that? Why would he kill his own sister?

He tries to open his mouth, to speak words, but not a single word will leave. A foreign name slips from his lips, one that he's never heard before, yet he's sure he knows it. It's such an amusing contradiction.

"_Eu-Euphy_," He says, and then suddenly, someone flicks him in the forehead. He opens his eyes to see his little sister looking at him in boredom, her cheeks drawn out in a pout.

"Onii-chan, what the heck are you doing spacing out?" She scolds, in the same, gentle tone that she's always had towards him; kind, yet cruel, gentle yet vicious-promising peace and then waging war, all the while soaked in blood and-

"Onii-chan, are you all right?"

Kazuto freezes up, looking at her for a few moments, trying to process what was going on with his mind.

He looks at her for a few long moments, trying to process what was just going on with his mind. The ten-year old shakes his head at his sister and then smiles.

"No, it's nothing, Sugu."

"Geez, you sometimes worry me, Nii-chan. You space out so much." She says, turning away. He can't help but think that she looks cute that way, but _she's his sister, _a voice inside of him says. Thus, is finding her cute...wrong?

'_You have another sister, somewhere,' _A new voice says from within his mind.

He wonders why he suddenly feels the urge to call out to his sister about something.

"Sugu," He says.

"Well, are we gonna begin kendo training or what?" She says, turning to face him, her tone impatient. She expects an answer-like a princess, royal, demanding.

He opens his mouth to speak, but Kazuto Kirigaya somehow can't bring himself to say the words, though they hang around in his head, words that are not his own, words that don't belong to him, to the voice and eyes of a stranger.

_'I never meant to do it. I never meant to make you suffer.'_

* * *

From the time she was a little girl, she was always more perceptive than most people saw her as.

She was quite fond of her father, and he reciprocated that affection.

She was always a sweet, and kind little girl. That's what her father tells her, as he picks her up and holds her in his arms, telling her how much he loves her, how much he cares for her.

And then sometimes, she can't help but think that her real father is actually dead, lying buried beneath a bunch of rubble, suffocating. And then she starts to wonder who she really is, and whether or not this is fiction or reality. Then she looks up at her father and realizes that he is alive, just as alive as she is right now, and why is she thinking these feelings right now?

That night, she dreams of darkness, of rain falling down on her shoulders-and it feels like an endless waterfall of emotion.

Somehow, she is crying, but she doesn't know why. And then he is there.

The same angel that always is in her dreams. That dark hair of his, and those mysterious eyes of his...she can never remember the color, but when the little girl sees his eyes, she assures herself that they're quite a rare color.

They're amethyst, like the gem, a truly precious person.

She finds herself feeling strange emotions for this person, emotions she's never felt before. She feels everything from happiness to sadness to regret, and even...anger.

But more than anything, she wants to jump into this person's arms and tell him she's sorry that she left him and that she knew they would find each other again and fall in love with each other over and over.

But whenever she wakes up, everything is still real, and the phantom man who haunts her is gone, leaving ten-year old Asuna Yuuki wondering just what is truth and what is fiction.

* * *

He's always been a video gamer, Kazuto has to admit. Why? Is it because he's bored and seeks something to do, or because he simply wants to escape reality, away from his grandfather's harsh looks, away from his beatings, away from his little sister?

Is it a way to escape these confusing thoughts swirling around his mind, the feelings of a person that is him and yet not? The dark-haired boy shakes his head. Now's not the time to be thinking of those things. Today, he'll be getting to try it out, "SWORD ART ONLINE". He's been waiting to try it since it came out.

The idea of escaping to another place suits him just fine. He's always wanted to avoid reality, anyway.

Finally, he'll be able to escape those dreams, maybe now he can actually feel like himself.

Another strange thing Kazuto has noticed is that his eye twinges from time to time, his left one. And he's not certain why. He thinks maybe all the time he spends playing video games has done something to his eyesight, or perhaps he sits in front of the computer too much.

Every time he looks at his sister now, he feels nothing but a terrible sense of heartbreak. Maybe that's why he's so eager to escape her sight, maybe then he won't have to see her begging for her life as she lies dying in a pool of her own blood, asking him why over and over.

Maybe he won't have to think of Sugu as someone else and just see her as Sugu.

Sighing, he thrusts himself into the world of SAO and enters the world of fantasy, escaping both his boring reality and the torment of endless dreams that seem to chase him no matter where he goes.

Kazuto, or else _Kirito_, can't believe this just happened. He's now trapped within the very game he's wished to be a part of. Wasn't that what he's always wanted? He's always wanted to live a life free of boredom.

He likes the feeling holding a sword gives, that is...as long as it's not being plunged into his chest and blood goes everywhere. He hates that sensation, he hates the idea of having to kill people. And being in a deathtrap like this now, assures him that SAO is no longer a dream world, but a virtual cage, a nightmare of tremendous proportions, disguised like the witch's house in Hansel and Gretel.

Kirito shakes off those thoughts. Now isn't the time to think about them.

He must survive.

But when Klein leaves him by himself, the loneliness is unbearable.

Crushing, even.

* * *

It's then that he notices her. A girl, sitting all by herself.

For some reason, a voice inside his mind is practically begging him to go to her. She's so familiar and yet a total stranger. His heart is aching to see her, filled with unidentifiable emotions that he can't quite place. He doesn't know who she is, and yet he thinks he can talk to her about anything.

"How did you know?" The voice of the girl, Asuna, snaps Kirito out of his thoughts as he turns to look at her.

"How did I know?" He says, softly. '_I've always known,' _He thinks, but stops himself. "I saw your name by your HP bar. Did I get the pronunciation wrong?"

But somehow, he thinks her name is something different from Asuna, something that starts with an S.

"Wait, can't I have your name at least?" She says, "Ki-ri-to. Oh, it was there all along and I didn't even notice!" She says, laughing as though it's nothing more than some big joke, and Kirito feels his heart both lighten and sadden at the sight of seeing her laugh.

He must get away from her. He can't let her die, not again. He already found her lying dead on the floor in a pool of her own blood and begged her to live, only to lose her. He will not lose her again.

Unfortunately, for Lelouch Lamperouge, trouble will always follow him, even in his new life as Kirito the Beater, and even with Shirley by his side as his one and only Asuna, his new life will still challenge the former Black Prince, now the Black Swordsman.


	2. Chapter 2 I'm not Lelouch

**A/N:I suppose this is a more deeply written story than most of mine, just told from their feelings and point of view, but I find it quite interesting to write! I love doing it. You know that, huh? :D Suzaku is also an early newcomer, but he's here. Let's just theorize that he also entered SAO and will now meet Kirito. I used to be quite a rabid hater of Suzaku, but I've calmed down a bit. **

**Chapter Two Of Beaters and loss**

* * *

**Beater. **How funny it was, that in a death game, innocuous statements, like jokes, even, could take on such negative connotations, Kirito thinks.

'_For example, if I told you to kill all the Japanese, it wouldn't matter how you felt about it-' _

Kirito blinks for a few moments, before the solo Beater wonders just _where_ he's heard that before, and just _why_ it fits so _perfectly _with the scene at hand, and why-does he feel the urge to cry?

It's a strange feeling, not feeling like he knows himself. Kirito feels like there are two parts to himself: of course, there is. There is the side that his family knows; Kazuto Kirigaya, the video gamer and Suguha's older brother/cousin, and then there is the side that the rest of the video game world knows; Kirito the Beater.

But it feels like there is another side to him. Sometimes, whenever he looks at himself in the virtual mirror of SAO, he can't help but feel as though there's a part of him that's dormant.

He stares at the five people sitting at the table, in disbelief. They're honestly...Kirito can't believe his luck. These people thank him, all with eager smiles on their faces. They honestly believe that he is their savior? How would these people react once they know he's a beater? He had seen the looks before; fear, hatred, jealousy.

He touches his black cape briefly. He chose this outfit specifically because it's black. In fact, Kirito has always liked wearing black. Black seems to suit him. It seems to define who he is as an individual. Sugu once asked him why he wears black, and he couldn't really answer her for a moment until he said because it made him look cool.

She had blushed then and told him that he would always look cool in whatever he wore.

There's a sweet girl, a girl with blue eyes as bright as sapphires, and the second that their eyes meet, he feels something in his heart _twist. _Something cries out in his mind...blue eyes that he loved, eyes of someone that he tried to save, and yet could not. Someone who said sorry and left him...

"Um, what's your name? I'm Keita," The guy says, looking at him with a nervous smile on his face, "This is Sachi, this is Ducker, this is Tetsuo, and this is Sasamaru."

"I'm Kirito." He says, though for a second he wonders if that's really his name, but then pauses. And Kirito the Beater smiles as he's accepted into their family.

"Sachi, you should go back," He urges.

The girl looks away from him, their gazes do not meet. Kirito just sits there, thinking about the futility of this game, thinking about how this whole game is nothing but an amusing tool in the hands of Kayaba Akihiko.

He thinks about pawns on a chessboard, and whenever he does, his fists tighten even more. Kirito has never liked chess; he's never liked the idea of seeing people as pawns. Whenever he thinks of that, he just feels sick, for reasons he cannot describe.

"I-I'm afraid of dying, Kirito. I don't want to die...Why do we have to do this?" She says.

'Why? I don't want to kill them! I don't. No!'

For a second, he's reminded of another distressed girl, one with long pink hair, purple eyes filled with tears as she tries to desperately fight off a command she abhors but must obey. Kirito shakes those thoughts off.

"A-Ah, you won't die!" He says reassuringly, trying to tell this girl that everything will be okay. He doesn't want another girl to die because of him.

'Are you sure you'll be able to save her, Kirito?' A voice says from his mind.

The girl blushes. The girl is like that of innocence, a shining light in the harsh existence of Kirito the Beater. He treasures this precious existence, he treasures the time that the Black Cats have with each other, enjoys the time they spend laughing with each other; all the while he knows the harsh truth; he is higher in level than they are, and he cannot hope to forever be with them. His fists tighten so hard.

* * *

He will tell them today, he will tell them how high level he actually is. They are going to go exploring in a dungeon. For most of the day, Kirito has felt a sharp pang of dread in the pit of his stomach, and he cannot explain it. All he knows is that whenever he thinks about it too much, his virtual eye burns, but this isn't real, is it? His whole body feels that it's on fire.

'The power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for that?'

Such are the words that echo in his head from time to time. But Kirito pays them no mind. He has long since figured that he must be insane.

They are trapped. It is a death-trap. He watches, frozen in fear. He draws his sword and waits for the impact. He takes down enemy after enemy, foe after foe, in a long, dizzying spell, watching as the nightmare continues on. Ducker is hit and killed, smashed to pieces, and then Tetsuo and Sasamaru. Each time he hears that, Kirito's determination grows stronger. He'll make it out of here alive.

Then he hears her call.

"Kirito..."

So weak and frenzied, pitiful.

"Sachi!" He cries, reaching out. He can see the girl. Much like the way a boy with green eyes had watched his lover with delighted eyes and then watched her fall-just as Kirito does, he watches as Sachi is struck in the back and falls to the ground like a helpless doll before whispering something under her breath and then disappearing, in a shatter of rainbow polygons.

Once again, he has been left alone. He is not surprised. He listens to Sachi's song, and tears come out of the broken swordsman's heart and stain the ground.

That night, he dreams of seeing Sachi, and shouting, 'live, you must live, Sachi. You've got to live.' The figure of Sachi and the orangette, Asuna, all flicker out and disappear, and then he dreams of a sword going through his chest, ending his life, as his HP drains to zero. Zero? Why did that matter so much to him? WHY?

A little girl screams for him to not die. Is that his sister, Suguha? Silica-chan? He can't be sure which. And then he wakes up, always convinced that it's nothing more than a mere dream, until this day.

Today. It started out as just an ordinary day, really. Asuna had chosen to be with him today. Then Kirito notices a random civilian who's being attacked by monsters. Really low-level monsters, but still, monsters that are hard for even the strongest amateur to challenge. He and Asuna destroy them in a flash of rainbow polygons.

Whenever he and Asuna sheathe their blades, they turn to look at the person who has been saved, and that is when Kirito's heart stops. For the man that they are facing seems to be identical to the one he has seen in his dreams. The one with the same curly brown hair and green eyes, yes that is definitely him. Kirito freezes, his gray eyes focused on the stranger before him, ignoring Asuna's questioning look, ignoring the stranger's look, until Asuna speaks his name.

"Kirito, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Asuna," He says, regaining his composure. He also wonders why the boy is staring at him as though he's an alien.

"Shirley?" The other boy breathes.

"My name's not Shirley, it's Asuna. And this is a solo player. A Beater."

"I'm Kirito, nice to meet you," Kirito says, extending his hand out to meet the other boy. Suzuki, was that his name, or Suzaku...but for some reason, whenever his hand touches the other's, he can't help but feel a sense of disgust surge through him. A feeling of sudden hate he can't quite explain that drifts through his body.

"Do you hate me or something?" The boy asks, but Kirito does not answer. He has his hands stuck in the pocket of his jeans and he cannot quite grasp what he is thinking right now, thus he cannot answer, rather in the affirmative or the negative.

And then the boy says something that makes Kirito pause.

"Lelouch?"

Kirito blinks and blinks again. What was it about that name? Something about it...he didn't like it. He definitely didn't like it. Not whenever it was uttered from this person's mouth.

"Are you really Lelouch? My god..." He says, reaching out towards the dark-haired teenager.

Suzaku could not believe this. He was rescued by a girl who looks like the spitting image of Shirley Fenette, and then a boy who is dark-haired, wears dark clothing, has a quiet aura and keeps to himself shows up; he acts just like Lelouch. His eyes are not purple, they are gray like stormy skies. But the way he flinches around him, the way he's so unsure. It reminds him too much of Lelouch.

He's not expecting the dark-haired boy's reaction to such a word.

"Lelouch, is it you?" He says, coming toward the boy he thinks is Lelouch. They have so much to talk about, so much they _need _to talk about. Much to his surprise, the boy glares at him with a hatred he couldn't imagine possible, smacks his hand away, and then pulls the orange-haired girl away from him, leaving Suzaku to wonder what he said wrong.

The boy finally speaks. "I don't know what you're talking about, but my name's Kirito. I'm not this Lelouch person. I don't know who you think you are, but I don't trust you," He says, his hand on his sword.

"What are you saying, Lelouch? We're best friends, you know you can trust me." He says, coming towards Lelouch.

"Shut the hell up. I don't know you. Stay away from me and Asuna."

"Kirito, how can you be so rude?" Asuna scolds.

"Why is he acting so familiar with me?" Kirito says. He does not know this man, nor does he trust him, because he is the one who stabs him in his chest in his dreams. He is the enemy. "I don't like you."


	3. Chapter 3 the irritating man

**A/N:I'm off to find a better title chapter for this, because it sucks ass. But right now, I'm still pissy about both the Ferguson shit and the annoying Deviantart crap. I should not be dissed simply because I upload something that expresses my feelings. Now I don't know where I should put this. Perhaps I should just upload it on Tumblr and that'll be it. Yeah, definitely. Guess what happened? My recorder which had all my music and writing just died. Now I have to redo it all. **

**Chapter 3 I don't like you**

* * *

Suzaku isn't sure what to think after Lelouch dies. His entire world is shattered. It is the day everyone laughs when the Demon Emperor dies, and they bathe in his blood, shouting and crying in delight. It is also the day that a piece of Suzaku's heart dies with him. Now he is a hollow shell of a man.

Becoming Zero is something he has never wanted, was this Lelouch's last wish, or his last curse, he thinks as he stares at the foul mask in the mirror-the one that stole his precious Euphemia away from him is laughing at him in the mirror, taunting his very existence. He regrets this decision for the rest of his life. But he is desperate-desperate to escape from his existence as Suzaku Kururugi, desperate to escape the name of a terrorist and a dead man.

So that is why he gets into online gaming to begin with, it is nothing more than an escape from the world, from reality, from his own emotions. It is this feeling and this feeling alone that brings him into the world of Sword Art Online, a world that, ironically enough, Lelouch's reincarnation also felt necessary to escape into.

So when the two meet again, it is only natural that an existence like Suzaku would cause Kirito such confusion. Every time Kirito even looks at the boy, or speaks to him, he feels a sense of despair come over him, a sense of strange fear, of hate, of anger, of sadness...foreign feelings that do not belong to him.

It's not the only reason he dislikes this man; he dislikes this man because he treats him as someone he is not, and will never be. His name is _not_ Lelouch. His name is _Kirito,_ and he'll be damned if he can get this fool to listen to reason. The worst thing of all, though...is that he won't leave Kirito alone.

Kirito does not like this man, he does not like the irritating things this man says and does. Most of all, he does not like how the man looks so sad at him all the time, and it just irritates him. The young swordsman does not know how or why he can feel such hate for a mere stranger.

"So your name isn't Shirley? You sure do resemble a girl I knew..." The boy says as he talks to Asuna, who laughs and talks like she usually does, telling him about the Knights of the Blood and a little bit about Kirito himself.

The boy keeps on refusing to meet his gaze, Suzaku notices. He either has his look on the orangette or else he's sticking his hands in his pockets and refusing to say anything. He wants to talk to him, to at least attempt to apologize if he came across as rude. But what would it mean to this boy? What would it mean, to Lelouch?

Lelouch as he is now does not remember him, does not remember the bond they shared, does not know and does not care about him. He does not care about Nunnally. Thinking this makes him feel as though he wants to cry.

So he tries to talk to him. It's just one simple question. "...Did I do something wrong?"

The black-haired boy glares at him sharply. "Yes, you have. You've annoyed me too much. Just leave Asuna and I alone!" Suddenly, he clutches his eye as pain shoots through it.

"Kirito!" Asuna cries, rushing to his side. She wonders why strong, brave, unfaltering Kirito has to go through such pain and sorrow. She had listened to his tale of woe about Sachi and the Guild he lost, the Guild he couldn't protect. That had sent so much pain into her that she felt as though she were about to burst at the seams doing so.

"I-I'm fine, Asuna," Kirito pants, wondering just what is happening to him, what is going on with his body, and why it all seems to be tied to this man, this mysterious man who is destroying the peaceful life he is seeking to build with Asuna.

He cannot forgive him. He cannot. Because every time he sees this man, he is reminded of what he has lost. Sachi, all those who died because of him.

Kirito loves swords. He likes the feel of them; he loves being able to grasp them in his hands and use them to attack. As a kid, he'd disliked feeling weak, he'd always taken exercises in defense class so he could never be weak. To him, weak was both physical and mental. He does not like the idea of being without a cold blade in his hand, to him it felt like the cold hand of reason.

Kirito wields his blade at Suzaku for a few moments before he seems to think twice and sheathes his sword. Wondering what is wrong with the boy, Suzaku approaches him. "What's wrong with you, kid?"

"Don't get so close to me," Kirito spits, not fond of this man at all.

"Don't mind Kirito. He's not a very social person," Asuna says reassuringly, looking at him with her pleading eyes, and in the end, that's all he needs, is her forgiveness, all he needs is her. Everything else can...well, he doesn't really care. He could even destroy SAO and the real world-just to get to her.


	4. Chapter 4 the cruelty of the world

**A/N:...I feel like writing kills our sorrow, and fills our hearts back up with sweet emotions. And in a way, it brings us all together. That came right out of my muse. And boy, does it fit the things I'm feeling right now. So, allow me to make up for them right now...with another chapter of this story.**

* * *

**Chapter Four the cruelty of the world**

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who loved and treasured her brother (or was it the many brothers and sisters she had?) above everything else, even her own life. She would gladly do anything for him, even throw aside her own life and her way of living, just to show him that she cared.

But if there was one thing that made her different from the rest of the people of the noble court, (was she ever a noble? She doesn't know what's real and what's not, anymore, not since her brother fell unconscious and is now lying there, like a doll, unmoving) it was that the sufferings of the helpless and the unfortunate souls being crushed upon by the cruel stares of the stern who would leave them to their fates, she _was _uncorrupted and whole.

She could feel for them, she _understood _their suffering, and only wished that everyone else could understand the unending pain she felt. For she never understood the things called race-Britannian, Japanese-it never mattered to her, not one bit, for they were all this one little thing called _human, _why, oh why, couldn't they see this and stop hurting each other so much? Every time a Britannian would hurt, humiliate or kill a Japanese, her heart panged out with sorrow for them, because _she _felt the pain as much as if she were the one suffering.

Oh, she could never explain to them why she looked at them with no hate in her eyes, just pure and undying love for them, regard for their lives, treating them just as precious as she did her own sister, her half-siblings, her brothers, her mother, her servants, and her pets. They wouldn't understand. This great, wrenching sorrow filled her heart over and over.

When people told Suguha-or was it _Euphemia-_she could never hope to reason with a Japanese person, her response was to laugh in their faces and resist the urge, however strongly, to tell them that she felt _pain _every time they were hurt, cried whenever they cried, and wanted nothing more than to help them. So why could the world be so cold and cruel and be this way? It must be changed, it has to be-for Nunnally's sake, for Lelouch's-no, Kazuto's sake-the world had to be changed.

So why-why was she gunned down so helplessly, covered in the blood of those she wanted to save more than anything-? Suguha could do nothing but to sink down into the depths of her deepening despair as thoughts became contorted with reality and fantasy overtook it, laughing all the way at her despair.

She watches her brother over and over, wondering just _when _he will wake up, when will he smile at her in that endearing manner of his and tell her everything is all right-when will things be like the way they used to be? She asks these questions over and over, and yet they remain unanswered.

Her own brother was actually her cousin-but somehow, she's actually known-known that they were never full-blooded siblings. That once they shared the same blood of the same father, but the women who birthed them were different. But a difference in blood does _not _change the feelings she holds for him. They cannot. Rather, these unusual feelings grow stronger the more she tries to deny them.

It's like a never-ending web of despair, no matter how hard she tries to escape, she cannot, and is ensnared in her own feelings. She knows she cannot change how she feels, but she can change _him. _She can change him for the better-she can make him a normal human being again-

'_Won't you stop being Zero and join us in the pursuit of peace?' _

How well that had gone over, then! How well had her Special Administrated Zone gone over among the very people she longed to help? It ended with her dying. But this time around, she will not die, wasting away on a bed. She will not let Kazuto suffer. She will be there for him.

She will be his everything. No matter what.

Nothing will change that, nothing at all.

* * *

Kirito and Asuna do not ask each other questions about the mysterious man known as Suzaku who has left an impact on their lives that they will not forget. Ever. He cannot forget about him. And he doesn't know why. That's the worst part of all of this.

He cannot understand what is happening with himself lately, and Asuna can only guess vaguely. It doesn't help things. How can he be Kirito, the Beater, and yet suffer these bizarre outbreaks of deja vu and things that don't make any sense. It's so ironic he just wants to laugh.

* * *

He meets a girl named Lisbeth, who has hair the color of a rose in full bloom-and he does not know why-but every time he sees her hair color and looks at her face, he is stricken with a terrible feeling of sadness and he does not know why. Perhaps this is why he's so protective of her and distant at the same time. It's a funny thing.

Lisbeth does not know what to think of Kirito the Beater. He's got quite a reputation in SAO-one of infamy. He is not known to speak much, but his skills in battle speak for themselves. When she meets the man in person, she has to say, she was expecting someone much taller and more mysterious-like someone in a mask.

She does not understand why he looks away from her when he talks, why he seems to flinch at the sight of her gaze, why he always looks so sad when he sees her. It pains her heart. She has a crush on him and at the same time he is pushing her away.

"Why?" She breathes one night, as they lie under the stars, "...Why don't you like looking at me, Kirito."

For a moment, he does not speak. Then another. Then finally, he opens his mouth and speaks like it's one of the hardest things he's ever done in his life. "...It's...complicated, Liz. You see...in my dreams, there is a girl with pink hair...and she dies a terrible death. You remind me of her. Though she is a total stranger to me, I feel as though I know her...like I'm responsible for her demise. It's unbelievable, right? Yet I feel as though this isn't the first time I've been confronted with death on a daily basis."

If he closes his eyes, he can almost see the fallen Japanese, screaming as their ghettos are destroyed and their lives are ended, can see a mudslide raining down a mountain, ending innocent lives, can see a giant pink light flashing over a city, one that tears him apart, and can see countless wars and endless bloodshed in his inner mind. And somehow, it's happening..._all over again. _

She wonders why he seems so serious. "Kirito-san, do you really believe...these things? These...visions, I mean."

He turns toward her, his grey eyes dead serious, and nods. "...Yes. They've happened all my life. And it feels like something I must embrace as being part of me. But what does it all mean?"

She does not understand him at all. Though he is friendly with her, the dark clothes he wears just serve to hide the enigma of his true nature, just cloak him in a blackness that seems to incorporate his entire being.

When Kirito dreams that night, he is in nothing but black. He hears a voice speaking to him, one he does not know. Who is it?

'_You must remember what happened before. Before it's too late. You can't let her die again. Kirito, you must remember all that happened, what you did.' _

Kirito shakes his head. "I don't understand. Who are you, and what do you mean?" He cries.

The voice speaks again, '_You are not yet willing to open your eyes to reality. It is why you ran away to this game world. You do not take things seriously. You are still a naive child, Kirito. That disappoints me. What happened to your attitude of justice, of protecting the innocent? You let Sachi die.' _

Kirito feels hot anger sweep over him. Who does this person think he is? "Shut up! You don't understand a thing at all about me!"

A chuckle comes from within his mind. '_I know more about you than you deem possible. You'll understand one day.'_

And then he rouses, shaken awake by a worried Asuna, who questions him on why exactly he was moaning in his sleep. For once, he has no answers for her.


	5. Chapter 5 through eyes of innocence

**A/N:Time for the next chapter to this story! I've actually opened up a Kirito rping blog and have started roleplaying! It's so much fun. Faceless by Red is a great song and it reminds me so much of Kirito and Sachi, or Asuna. I've grown to like all of the SAO girls. I'm not so keen on GGO, though. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of Kirito being female (or looking feminine.) Also, I think some of Kirito's traits in the show (being so withdrawn and introverted, and acting like he's used to being hated, are kinda signs of someone who's been bullied. I mean, he's clearly **_**not **_**used to people being kind to him. And when Sugu mentions school to him, he completely freezes up and suggests a school for SAO people. What's with that? I know when I was bullied, I retreated to video games as an escape. Maybe Kirito did the same. **

* * *

**Chapter Five through the eyes of innocence**

Silica honestly had to say, she had not been expecting someone like Kirito-san to come save her when Pina had been killed. She had been expecting him to kill her or steal her items from her, not smile gently at her and tell her it was just fine and that he would help her revive her friend.

Kirito-san was such a nice man. She liked him. In a world filled to the brim with shallow, fake things (but would that make Pina fake as well?) Aincrad, or rather Sword Art Online, was rather like a child's vision come to life when she thought hard about the high, arching pillars of the tower that resembled the Tower of Babel, the forbidden one, and yet at the same time, this world was coated bright crimson in the shards of reality that some players clung to for support, while others were trapped in the dream.

Whether this was fantasy or not was certainly a rough question for little Silica to answer, as when her pet had been killed in front of her, it certainly felt real, and the pain she felt when she was hit by those apes certainly felt real. She didn't want to think of this world as an illusion, or a lie. What did that make Kirito-san, then? Was he just as illusory as this very world?

She really did like him, but she never understood exactly _why he always _took on a sad look if she asked him if he'd banded together with any other people, and if he had any friends. Why did he always look so sad when she asked that; (rather like an old man cloaked in the form of a young man, someone who'd seen tragedy a thousand times and never wanted to see it ever again.)

For Kirito-san's eyes spoke of sadness, of loss, of the face of someone who had lost a dozen people that mattered most to them. Of course, if she tried to ask him, he would brush her off, saying he was just fine and that she should worry about herself. But she couldn't help but feel that every time those gray eyes looked away from her that he was hiding something.

That was what her intuition was telling her, and yet she felt like she couldn't help him at all, like his secrets were locked away somewhere deep inside him, somewhere she couldn't touch, couldn't reach even if she tried. And that was the worst feeling of all, for she felt all these feelings for a stranger she barely even knew, and yet every time she extended her arms out to him, he would just brush her away, and smile and say it was nothing. But she couldn't bring herself to believe his words. She knew, deep down inside, he was suffering.

She had seen the looks that people would give him whenever she was out with him in public. People had whispered all kinds of nasty names at him when they thought she wasn't listening. They called him a beater, a cheating, lying despicable person, an arrogant swordsman who refused to share his information with others, and was responsible for getting lots of them killed. A lying jerk who used his knowledge of video games as an excuse to not share items with others, a bastard; an asshole who was the worst kind of person to come across.

She had just shaken her head at these rumors.

"Thank you for helping me, Kirito-san," She said to Kirito-san. The black-haired boy looked at her for a few moments and she could have sworn she had seen his eyes flash with an unknown emotion, sadness, maybe, before he whispered.

"Thank you, Silica-chan. I'm very, very glad to know that you don't hate me."

"Why would they hate you, Kirito-san?" She asked, unable to comprehend why on earth such a cute, sweet, and kind boy could be hated by anyone. "You're really nice to me. Aren't you nice to everyone?"

"I try to be," He muttered, "But still, it seems like no matter what I do, I can't reason with people. You see, I'm a beta tester."

"So what?" She said. She had heard some of the accusations thrown at beta testers; saying that they were to blame for all the people stuck inside the game and that they hadn't come to their aid when they should have. She found that to be nothing but garbage. Kirito-san was one of them and yet he was treating her with such respect, like a gentleman. He'd listened to her, he didn't laugh at her like any of her team members or like Rosalia-san did.

He'd listened to her, the way that her parents did when she told them about bullies in school. In fact, Silica-chan had troubles with bullies at school, and she'd thought that entering SAO would allow her to escape that stuff. Whenever she'd become popular, she supposed she had let her ego get the better of her.

"You know, Kirito-san, I don't really get along well with my classmates."

"Why would they hate someone as nice and gentle as you, Silica-chan?" He asked, patting her head. She blushed a little.

"Well," She began, "I guess they think that I'm arrogant and that I should be more open with others."

"Are you?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No, I'm afraid of getting hurt and there are all these bullies. They make my life hell and they won't leave me alone." Her eyes welled up with tears, "What do I do? They always tell me it's my fault that no one wants to be my friend. I try to tell the teachers, but no one will help me."

She felt utterly helpless again, as more tears streamed down her face.

He patted her head and then smiled gently at her, in that same way that made her feel warm inside. "It's all right. You'll be fine, Silica-chan. I'll make sure of that."

There was a quiet determination to his words that made her believe him, but at the same time, she was scared, scared of the inner darkness that lurked within him. "Kirito-san, are you...hiding something?"

"Eh?" He looked at her.

"I think you are, aren't you?"

"N-No, what would give you that impression?" He said.

"Well, you always seem kind of scared when you think about things. I can tell from the look in your eyes."

"Aren't you perceptive? I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me; I should be worrying about you. I'm like your older brother, right?" He said.

"That's right. I appreciate you. Do you get along well with the kids in your school, Kirito-san?"

His face hardened. For a moment, she thought she was looking at a different person completely from the darkness in his eyes. She hated seeing the light fade out of his eyes. She hated seeing that cold, swordsman side of him. She only wanted to see the gentle side of him.

"In some ways," He began, "You could say that people...I mean, I got along just fine with the girls in school, but the guys...they always thought I was a nerd who didn't socialize well with anyone. And when I was little, because of the way my grandfather treated me, kids would make fun of me, saying I didn't try hard enough. The only one who really helped me out at that time...was my sister. She helped me compose myself. If it weren't for her, I don't know where I'd be."

"Kirito-san, you're a good person, why can't everyone see that like I can?"

"Because not everyone is as open and kind as you are," He said, with determination burning in his eyes. "But even so, I will help those who hate me."

As Kirito thought back over his past, his eyes hardened.

* * *

_"Hey, isn't that Kazuto Kirigaya, the school's nerd?"_

_"You shouldn't come near him. His video gaming's kinda like a disease, you know. I heard he spends all his time shut up in his room and never bothers to come out. He does his homework so much, it's like he's stuck in a world of his own. Hey, Kazuto, you wanna play your video games with us? You think of us as one of the bad guys, right? Huh?"_

_Kazuto ignored them, walking down the hallway with a purposeful stride. The girls looked at him._

_"I'd like to go near Kazuto, but he scares me. He's so distant and cold. He thinks he's better than the rest of the boys and I don't know what to say about that." _

_"Um, Kazuto-kun, would you like to come have lunch with me?" A girl asked Kazuto, but he looked at her for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders, a smile on his face. _

_"I'm sorry," He said, "I promised my little sister I'd take her out somewhere, so I can't."_

_Tears filled up in the girl's eyes. "You really are a jerk, just like all the rumors say!"_

_"Wait, I didn't mean it like that!" He cried, but she pushed him aside and ran off._

_"It looks like Kazuto really is a cold jerk." A boy taunted before tripping Kazuto and causing him to fall over, scattering his stuff. Kazuto said nothing; he gathered up his things and glared at them. _

_"Shut up," He whispered, a cold fire in his eyes. _

_"What was that? You remember when you used to run home crying to your parents because of how we treated you? And yet the teachers never listened to you. It's funny, though. You think they would, since you're the class pet. But you're just a lonely orphan. I heard the person who raises you now isn't even your real mother. You're just a bastard. No one wants you." _

_Kazuto looked like he wanted to punch them, but thought better of it. "People like you are just scum." He whispered._

_"Ha, you're just not in your video game world, so you don't have time to deal with us. Is that it?"_

_"No, people like you are so vile that whenever I look at you, I feel nothing but distaste. So, sorry," He finished, a smug smirk on his lips, "But I think I should be on my way now. I'm late for my class."_

_"Hold on, don't you think you can say no to us, you little nerd!" They said. _

_But Kazuto was good with kendo, thus he avoided them. He walked away, leaving them all agape at his audacity._

_"_And it wasn't like class was any better," He said to Silica.

_"There's Kirigaya-kun. He's so cute. Maybe you could ask him out." _

_"Eh? No way, did you hear how he rejected a girl in the middle of the hallway?"_

_"I heard she's a nice girl. How could he do that to her? He's such a jerk. I posted stuff about it online, saying he was a cold, heartless guy." _

_They were talking out loud, on purpose, so he could hear them, but even so, Kazuto paid them no mind. His focus was on his desk and his work. _

_"Kirigaya-kun, do you know the answer to this question?" The teacher asked, fixing him with a worried gaze. It made him wonder why they bothered when no one else seemed to like him. He knew that he was the school's outcast._

_It was the one thing that kept him sane. His video games. _

_"I know the answer to this question," He said. _

_Kazuto had to smirk a little at that. This one teacher always noticed whenever he was being picked on by people. _

"And it wasn't like my grandfather was understanding, either..."

* * *

He could recall his grandfather beating him, screaming about how he was such a disgrace to the family name for not wanting to take kendo anymore.

"You're a disgrace!"

"Stop it, leave my niisan alone!" Sugu cried, racing in front of him.

"Sugu," He whispered, watching as she took a blow meant for him.

"Nii-chan, it's okay, I'm here for you." She whispered. In many ways, Sugu was the first girl he'd ever grown to care about. But Sachi was the first girl he could safely say he loved, and he'd lost her.

He could see Silica's smiling face. He didn't want her to wind up like Euphie, Sachi, and Shirley...but who were Euphie and Shirley? Why did their names mean so much to him?

"Kirito-kun, how could they treat you like that? It's awful."

"Yeah, and it just continues in SAO. It's like there's nowhere I can go to escape their hatred." He whispered.

"Don't worry, Kirito-kun, I'll help you."

"I can handle myself," Was his reassured reply.

"Oh, look, Silica-chan," Came the feigned voice of Rosalia. Instantly, Silica froze up, something that didn't escape Kirito's notice.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

"I'm fine," She lied.

"Oh, Silica-chan, I was getting kinda worried about you," She said, "Oh, where on earth is your friend?"

She looked from Kirito, to Rosalia. "Pina died protecting me. But I'm definitely going to revive her."

"You'll need a revival item, then," She said nastily. "And who is this? Is he someone else you've seduced?"

"Not at all," Kirito said, "I'm sure we can handle it ourselves. Come on," He said, pulling Silica away, but not before smirking at Rosalia, something that didn't escape her notice.

Rosalia licked her lips. "He seems like the perfect target."

Kirito doesn't know why, but for some reason every time he sees the little girl cry, he can't help but want to comfort her. "Don't worry," He said. "We'll take care of things."

She smiled then.

Kirito couldn't help but smile then as he watched Silica.

"Come out now," He said, his voice sharp. Instantly, a bunch of bandits came out. They were all looking at Kirito. He knew their looks. They thought that they were better than anyone-_the arrogant Britannians, the same ones who stood by and let his sister get hurt and his mother die-_and he was here to administer justice.

He tried his hardest to help people and instead he got nothing but hatred. Frankly, he was used to that. "What do you think? I know full well what you're trying to do," He said to Rosalia, "I know what game you're playing, but it's not funny."

"How could you tell, swordsman?" She said, "My, you really are handsome."

"I have no interest in your affection," He spat, "Frankly, to me, your affection seems more like a joke." How on earth could she be so awful to someone that she barely even knew?

"I don't know what kind of person you are, but Silica-chan is ten times better than the person you could ever be. I highly suggest you stop bullying her."

"What are you talking about?" She said, still playing dumb. "Get him, men."

Kirito just smirked and allowed them to hit him all they wanted. "Sorry, but that won't work. I've gotten so high-level that someone like you can't measure up to me."

"You can't attack me, you'll become an orange player!" She cried.

Kirito aimed his blade and pointed it at her. She reminded him of a purple-haired woman who had murdered innocent people and acted like it was nothing-_Cornelia-_and a gray-haired woman who was just as vain and arrogant-_Villetta. _She was exactly the kind of person he despised.

"I'm not afraid of spending the game as an orange player. Stop this right now. I'm sending you to prison and meting out justice."

Silica blushed. "Thank you."

Pina took one glance at Kirito, wandered up to him, and licked him.

Kirito laughed a little. It was a genuine, honest laugh.

"I don't get it," He muttered when he was by himself. "Why on earth do these dreams bother me so much? And who are these people who are bothering me? I've done nothing but be good to them and that's how they treat me?"

He looked away.

The next day, he meets Asuna. She is now the Vice Commander of the Knights of the Blood (for some reason, he pictures the Knights as wearing all black outfits, with their leader wearing a black and purple cape, with a black mask to match, and the name 'The Black Knights' travels across his mind and then some others, like Zero.

"...So when your HP drops down to Zero, you die." He says the words again, and can't help but laugh. Asuna looks at him, thinking he is nuts.

"Of course," She says, "That's the rule of Sword Art Online."

"Well, as a beater, I think there's one thing to remember. You should only kill if you're prepared to be killed, Asuna, that's what I think," He says, with that odd look in his eyes. Sometimes Asuna thinks she is looking at a different person than Kirito.


	6. Chapter 6 what is reality

**A/N:I'm still trying to decide who I should make Klein be (if anyone at all) in this story or Agil. I mean, I don't remember too many male characters who died besides Mao, Clovis, Rolo, Charles, and Lelouch. And I've already got a good idea of who Charles should be (go ahead and guess, it's rather easy.) and have no idea who Clovis could possibly be. There's also Naoto, but he never knew Lelouch, so inserting him in would be rather OOC and not make much sense. But meh, let's see: SAO and CG both have rather melodramatic villains. It's still hard for me to watch Geass now because it's so corny and I feel like I've outgrown it. But I'm gonna try harder to write this. **

* * *

**chapter 6 dreams of another reality**

What is reality, really? Kayaba Akihiko has been inventing his own form of reality by creating a virtual world that is but a stone's throw from the real world-an illusion of mankind that has always existed in the human psyche. Yet people call him evil, when he is only fulfilling the wishes of the mass populace that lead such uncreative, boring lives-lives that mean absolutely nothing to him.

He is doing things _their inferior minds _could never dream of doing-honestly, being out among ordinary humans was enough to make Kayaba Akihiko bored beyond measure, because there was nothing interesting about such vulgar, loud, rude, hypocritical individuals; what fun was there in interacting with them, like puppets in a show? That was what his whole life felt like; an empty theater where he was the marionette, full of an invisible audience, pointing and laughing through disembodied voices-but somehow, he _knows _he must reach God.

God is the cause of all this chaos, conflict, and uninteresting things. Perhaps if he can ascend to the stars, he can create a world that will finally be where he belongs. Would he call it the Collective Unconscious? No, that sounds too philosophical. What to call it, then? A kingdom is nothing without a ruler, just as an eye is without a pupil, or a school with no children in it-it needs someone to watch over the populace-_and keep them in line, lest their minds venture too far from the plains of reality. _

He can recall endless days where he would sit under the stars, musing on the point of human existence, days where he could just watch day slip into the veil of night and wonder how the human mind and body can somehow tolerate such a boring, mundane plane of existence. This bland, drab environment can't possibly be Earth. It is not the Earth he reads about in stories, where heroes save princesses, where knights save them from dragons-where princes rule and _where blood is splattered everywhere, so much blood, the blood of his dear Marianne, staining the floors in red infamy as everyone watches on. The actor has left the stage now. _

_A girl with pink hair, possibly his daughter-or maybe not, she's always been too ditzy, nice and naive to be any use anyway-shoots down person after person, as entrails spill from bodies and children cry over dead parents, and blood falls down from the sky like red rain, he can't help but imagine himself standing there, from somewhere, high above, raising his arms in triumph, laughing, laughing hysterically, as though this was all some grand, glorious joke. _

He knows, from a young age, that he is unlike the other children and people his age, who are used to dreaming such dull dreams and are used to living such dull lives, because they are dull people who have been shaped that way by society-and if society is to truly change-then he must-_destroy God-_become that very same God himself, and laugh in the face of the big man himself.

Where could God possibly be amongst all this chaos and panic and heartbreak and pain, thousands of trapped human beings whisper amongst themselves, driven to madness and deceit from being entombed within a literal fantasy. It is his dream come to life, to watch them all attack and fight and kill. It always has been-even for more than one life, perhaps. He can recall being a stoic king who turned his back on mankind. He has once heard it said that one cannot become a great man without first turning his back on mankind and those who will hold him down.

Others mock his idea of Sword Art Online, but once it is unleashed, their faces change from the evil grins they once wore into masks of happiness. Oh, they want to get their hands on his world, his society, but they will not. Sword Art Online is his chess game, it's his world, and he will not let anyone stand in his way-with the sword of Akasha, he can destroy those who oppose him. Oh, how he hates to lie to these poor, drab humans who have been lied to so many times that their cognitive faculties don't work right anymore. Sad, that things aren't the way they used to be anymore.

Kayaba-or is it Charles zi Britannia-unveils himself before the crowd, appearing like a classical Grim Reaper, the judger of all humanity, the one who knows all of your sins and shortcomings and announces his grand plans for the world. Why aren't they happy? He's making their pitiful and woefully dull days much more interesting this way-what's more exciting than fighting for your life while not knowing what's real and what isn't, what's here and what isn't?

He will stand over them at the end, as their god, as their evil adversary. Good and evil do not exist, he knows this, merely foolish concepts designed by ignorant people who couldn't process intelligent thoughts. He will be hated, yes. He can see hatred on the looks of some of the humans. He watches them all with fascinated eyes-the orangette, one who looks oh-so-familiar, looking like she wants to scream-isn't she the daughter of that man he works with?

There's a young girl who was too young to sneak into his world-and for that, she shall pay with her life-a young red-headed woman with the mind of a snake who has suffered too much and vows no longer to, even if it means hurting others-there's a brunette who cries too much, and is so annoying. There's a redheaded man who has the personality of a stump.

There's a young girl with dark hair and blue eyes, someone so infuriatingly weak and pure he just wants to kill her then and there. There's a blue-haired man scheming things, who deludes himself into believing himself a knight-wasn't that familiar, a man named Jeremiah tried the same thing, didn't he? And he paid for it well.

And then there is a boy, oh yes, an _Asian_ youth, with spiky black hair-why does that hair color create contempt within him, yes, it brings back too many dreadful memories-and his eyes-hard as amethysts-no, this boy's eyes are like stormclouds, grey and full of determination, oh how naive he is. The boy's name is...he cannot tell. He does not know who he is, but he watches him suffer through this world, and of all the pawns in his marvelous game, he is the only one with any sense of intelligence.

Yes, there is much intelligence underneath that hero facade he adopts. He is not a hero, he is nothing close to it. He sees how he trumps those who couldn't beat the boss and proclaims himself a Beater, proudly, like an imperial prince rightfully stating how above mankind he is. He wonders if he has met the boy before. Has he? Was there a time when the boy was his son?

* * *

He watches the boy cry over the annoyingly naive girl who died. Good, she was weak and deserved it. It was his fault, anyway. Why oh why did he pretend to be a good boy? Shed those shackles of the term hero and come join me, oh mighty warrior Zer-no, _Kirito. _Kirito and Zero are virtually alike, except he is still encased in black but there is no mask.

So Kayaba, or Charles, now known as Heathcliff the Paladin, observes all of humanity and watches them meet their pitiful ends. The strong will survive this test, he knows it, and the weak will die, like they should. The infirm, the blind, the lame, the idiots will fall first, for they are of no use to him in his plan for a more interesting world.

* * *

Sometimes, she sits by his bed, holding his hand, silently begging him to wake up and smile at her again, say her name, do anything besides lie there, wasting away. She'd give anything to hear his voice, feel his soft hands stroking her hair, feel the warmth of his body as he helps comfort her when the bullies at school pick on her for being so outspoken and true to her feelings.

But she cannot hide her feelings for him. She isn't his sister-does that mean all the times they shared together, laughing, playing hide-and seek, doing kendo, sharing toys, watching TV-meant nothing to him, to the point that he would honestly hide away from them all in another world? Damn this game, damn this game for stealing her precious cousin away from her (though a voice in her mind keeps whispering that they are siblings and always will be) for tearing her mother apart emotionally.

She watches her mother sit there, telling her adopted son about her life at work today, before tearing up and inevitably Suguha will have to calm her down and the two of them will go home with sympathetic looks from the staff, who tell them that everyone feels their pain. Everyone knows a brother, a sister, a cousin, a parent, a child, or grandparent who has been lost to Sword Art Online, and wishes they could have done more to stop this madness.

Suguha Kirigaya watches her classmates, once her tormentors, now her allies, as they, too are wreaked with agony upon seeing their family torn apart like this. One girl has lost her boyfriend to SAO, another has lost her younger sister, another her own mother. They have all become friends, united in oppression.

"Hey, Onii-chan...when will you wake up and come out of there? Come back to us, to the real world, where people care about you. Why would you run away from all of us? Why?" She breathes, her breath coming out in harsh gasps as more tears run down her face and fall on his unmoving face. He does not know, he does not care.

But then she feels it, a soft touch. He is touching her hand, a weak squeeze but it is there, perhaps a nervous reaction while unconscious? She is holding his hand, emaciated though it may be, he is responding again. She blushes and speaks again, "Um, Onii-chan? When will you wake up...?"

His grip becomes tighter on her arm. Suddenly, it's tighter and tighter, until Suguha feels like he's attacking her. This isn't a loving touch, it's a murderous one. But what could he be feeling in that world to make him so angry?

"L-Let me go, Onii-chan. Don't hurt me, it's me, Sugu!" She cries out, but he cannot hear her, he cannot see her agony. He cannot see her crying over him every night, to the point where Shinichi asks her why she bothers to visit him when he'll never wake up again and she slaps him and calls him an oaf and tells him to apologize to Kazuto when they visit.

Still, as she rubs her arm, staring at the red welt on it, she can't help but recall the dreams she has been having lately about her and her brother. In it, they are entirely different people. She is a princess with pink hair, one trapped in a romance with one she does not love; she fancies for her brother, but he is unavailable, as a red-headed beauty has stolen him away.

But she dies. Over and over again, she awakens, making sure her hands are not stained red with blood. She does not broach the subject of her dreams with her mother, she does not want her to cry any more, suffer any more than she already is. Her mother is a good mother, loving and caring the best she can. Even their grandfather has become sympathetic towards her plight and will tutor her, telling her to become strong.

But she cannot forgive him for his harsh treatment towards Kazuto. But what could he have been doing at that moment, to feel such intense pain as to attack her unconsciously?

* * *

His arm-it was useless, it'd been severed, he was paralyzed. He couldn't move. Godfrey was dead, heaven knows why the man was so goddamned idiotic and naive. He had been suspicious of Kuradeel, if only he could have told the General of the army-

'_It wouldn't have mattered. He is not one to care about such things, Kirito. You must kill him with your own two hands...' _

Kill? The idea of killing someone...it sickens him. He cannot bring himself to do it, to allow his hands to become dirtied with blood. Not whenever he has already-

Kuradeel laughs as he stabs him, over and over and over. It may be virtual but it does not stop the pain, oh damn Kayaba for making pain feel this real-he closes his eyes, and accepts his death-yes, Suzaku, kill me and make the world a better place, for the sake of humanity.

But then an orange-haired angel appears, to defend him and with her gentle smile, she says his name ever so lightly, 'Lulu...would it be okay...if I fell in love with you once more?'

"Kirito, I'm so glad...you're all right," She whines, tears falling down her eyes and onto his body.

Before he knows it, the two meet, and their lips meet as one and in that sudden stillness, time doesn't matter. Nothing else matters besides the fact that they need each other, and that they are together. He understands that much.

But he needs only her to survive. He'll destroy the entire world for her and she knows that.

He stabs Kuradeel and could've sworn he'd heard a voice say, 'Now, I command you...die...' in his mind. And his eye still twinges every now and again, but it's getting worse as it goes on. And who is the green-haired girl haunting his dreams?

Perhaps he will never know who he is. But when do we know who we truly are?

* * *

Once, she had been a happy little girl with her parents always buying her what she wanted, doing what she wanted to do. But all that had changed as soon as her new sister came; everything was no longer hers, her parents stopped loving her and only loved her innocent, sweet sister. But her sister was a monster. Her sister would break her toys, taunt her, spread lies about her at school and smile innocently-and she would have nowhere to go but to her room-to cry hysterically, alone and lost.

Perhaps she shouldn't be so kind and naive, then. Maybe she should break others the way her sister has broken her. She remembers the first time she beat someone up. It's an amusing feeling. It helps when she feels like she's teaching her stupid sister a lesson, for causing her parents to become so nasty and mean. They jump down her throat if she gets a C on a test, call her a failure, a good-for-nothing. Well, if she's a good-for-nothing, then why doesn't she just become that which they despise?

She is a hit with the boys, with her vivid red hair. It is oh so easy to shape them as she pleases, using them and then destroying their hopes and dreams. She is a sociopath, she knows this. She knows she cannot feel anything anymore, and hates it so much, but at the same time, she's glad. She cannot feel sadness when her sister gets in a tragic 'accident' because she got drunk and now her parents don't have their perfect daughter anymore.

She logs into Sword Art Online seeking to belong somewhere, to have a reason, a purpose, a world where she can be herself, cause trouble, and just do whatever she damned wants. Her name is Rosalia, and she's proud of herself. So why is she here in prison? Did she do something wrong? It's all her sister's fault for making her this way. The tears of anger come down lightly but Rosalia's pride is too strong for anyone to see her cry.

That damned innocent bitch, who is so much like her 'perfect' sister that it makes her want to see the girl suffer. She wants to see her crying. See who's pretty now? See who's perfect now? It certainly isn't you. The perfect one is me. Isn't it?

'Yes,' She whispers, 'I am nothing like that bitch...my name was once Carline Le Britannia, now I am Rosalia...I am still the evil villain...the wicked witch...'


	7. Chapter 7

A/N:Time for the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 7 Vagaries of a lost mind, or the game reaches its climax~

* * *

Sometimes, he wonders if it's all worth it. The sun rises up every morning, cheery and happy, and the days pass by like a blur, so much so that he can't remember when the last time he was ever truly happy was. Was it the first time he kissed her, after that fool Kuradeel had almost killed him-and her?

He is by now, all too used to the cold blade of death-the cold reality that falls upon you, one second of hesitation, one pause-and then that's it. You're dead, you're lying there, cold, helpless, and oh so alone. He's seen it so many times, from Diabel, to Sachi, to the entire Black Cat Guild, to Clovis, to Euphemia, to Mao, to Shirley, to Rolo, even.

He is filled with the memories and understanding of another person besides himself-and it terrifies him to the core. Kirito does not know what is real and what isn't anymore, not since he was trapped in this hell of a life. Why can't he just know who he is and be the confident, strong, bold hero Asuna thinks he is? Why can't he be Kirito only and forget about it all-forget about Suguha, forget about his fragile, strained family life, forget about Geass, forget about Zero, forget it all...

What is he supposed to do? He has just been challenged by the Emperor of life and death itself, Heathcliff the Paladin. He doesn't know why exactly that name seems to suit such an imperious and strong-willed man, but it seems, to Kirito at least, that whenever such a man turns his head and even speaks, heaven itself pauses before his grandness and bows down obediently. The thought of such a being even existing on this plain fills him with not a great amount of reverence, but rather fear. Fear. He is afraid of him.

He knows not why he is afraid. But Heathcliff seems to...hate him, for some reason he can't quite fathom. He almost swears, at times that he knows exactly why he does hate him, but then the words slip away, like those times when something someone wants to say gets lost in the heat of the moment. Those thick, gray eyes miss nothing. It's like he can see through the puny, insignificant Beater entirely.

He steels himself. He must do this. For Asuna's sake? No, it is purely for himself. Whatever he does, he must not lose to this man. He must not allow this man to overcome him, just like he did before.

'Before?'

He thinks, in confusion, as he listens to the awe of the crowd and feels it overwhelm him. He's always hated noise and constant confusion. Kirito has never been a social person-he's what you would call an introvert, he finds solace in quiet, he can muse over himself, learn things, discover who he is and come to a better understanding of himself.

But when he is faced with an opponent like this, suddenly all rational thoughts dart away from his mind and he is left, helpless, unable to think, unable to react. Just...there. He is just there, with no plan, no hope of possibly winning, just striking him with frenzied strokes of his sword, hoping somehow, he can break that man down, destroy him.

But the man descended from heaven cannot be moved. He cannot be destroyed. He lowers up his shield, lazily, as if it is nothing more than a fly dashed against a windshield. How can someone logged into a virtual fantasy be so strong-how can he exist, Kirito thinks, as his best attacks are brushed aside and Kirito himself tires, feeling his HP drop and watching his HP gauge go down. What will happen if it goes down to zero...?

He's looking at him, Heathcliff is. Then he speaks, quietly, into Kirito's ear, as if it's only meant to be heard by him and no one else, as he strikes his sword effortlessly, knocking it out of Kirito's hands, and causing it to fall to the ground.

Kirito falls to the ground, stunned, unable to move, as he hears those harsh words, not quite understanding what he means, but knowing that somehow, this man knows what he's going through, and can help him. But at the same time, this man is someone extremely dangerous. Someone even the gods feared and trembled when he walked by, sitting on a huge iron throne, judging mankind.

"...You are weak. You are the same, yet not. How disappointed I am in you. I was expecting you to be stronger, this time. A pity. You are the one I was most interested in. You are worthless."

With that, Heathcliff stares him down, causing Kirito to shudder in sheer terror and then he swears he sees the man smile-before he turns and leaves, as the crowd shouts Heathcliff's name in joy-and then they shout curses and insults at Kirito. They know who he is. He is no stranger to infamy-rather, it's more like he bathes in their hatred.

"Beater! So even a filthy Beater couldn't beat the great Kayaba! No instruction books for you to cheat off of, huh?"

"Hey, look, it's the supposed Black Swordsman. He's just a stupid kid. Looks like he really isn't all that tough. Get off the field."

"Get off the field! This tournament is for real warriors only! Heathcliff took pity on you, and you're too weak to do anything worthwhile."

So many insults. They all fill Kirito's ears. Yet he can do nothing but stand there, helpless, just listening to the words of the sirens. They are right, he is weak, worthless and worth nothing. But...she thinks otherwise. She can help him learn to believe in himself. And if she's by his side, nothing else matters. If Shirley-no, Asuna is there-as long as she doesn't die in his arms while he begs her not to die-again, he will be alive.

He does not move, he merely sits there, struggling back to his feet, panting heavily. He feels like the men of the Old Testament or the Greek myths, encountering phantasms of the unreal, encountering literal titans in front of them. This is the feeling one gets from meeting with someone who is so beyond them it's unreal.

She's there, rushing towards him, her long orange hair blowing behind her with every step she takes. She's like the sun in human form, as her light reaches out to his darkness, and helps him become human again. Her hand grabs onto his, and he can hear everyone recognizing her. They know who she is. They know who she is. But they respect her.

They don't recognize him. In their eyes, he is nothing more than a fly. But her, she is something else. She is a goddess to them, that is why she is called Asuna the Flash. She is worthy of being acknowledged. He is not.

He allows her to lead him off the field as they are peacefully alone. Perfect. Now he can tell her, what's wrong with him. That he's not the proud, strong hero he makes himself out to be. He's nothing close to a god, a hero, or anything for that matter. Why do people think he's so strong? It boggles his mind.

She looks at him, her eyes full of concern. Her eyes are filled with sadness, but more than anything, there's a deep, deep disappointment. He's disappointed her, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't know anything anymore. How can he stop feeling like this?

"...Kirito-kun, you need to be stronger. You need to be confident in yourself. You need to rise up from what just happened. You were brave enough to stand up for yourself and face him, for my sake. You need to believe in yourself. We both need each other."

He didn't answer her. Instead, he broke down in her arms.

"I'm not as good a person as you think I am," He sobbed, "I'm not as tough or strong as you need me to be, and for that I'm truly sorry."

"...But you are stronger than you think you are, Kirito-kun. I know this. I'm just as weak as you are. You are someone I care about so much it hurts. I love you, you know that? Please don't do anything that would result in you dying." She begged, hugging him.

Kirito looked at her, and then smiled, sadly, wiping his tears from his face.

"I've been fighting for so long by myself. But I guess it's time for me to start doing more, and believe in myself. You think I should start by being...someone who can believe in myself?"

Asuna nodded and patted his head.

"...Kirito-kun, I believe in you. You need to believe in yourself some more, and be more sure of yourself. I have to help you. I'll...do whatever it takes to make you believe in yourself again."

Yui is a mystery to Kirito, just as she is a mystery to herself. She is amnesiac, or so she claims. Kirito watches her with a smile on his face, watching her play and romp around. She is so innocent it hurts, and he can't help but envy her for that attitude. She is someone who can do things he cannot.

But he knows he will help her. He will help her, no matter what becomes of him. But first, there's something more important he must do. He must confront that man and ask him the hard questions, the ones his mind will not let him say no to, until they have been answered definitively.

* * *

That is why he is in front of Heathcliff the Paladin, in a private meeting with him, shaking in fear, and not knowing quite why he does so. As this man knows nothing about him personally, or does he?

"...You wanted to see me about something, boy. Get to the point, I have not the time for idle chatter." He said imperiously. Did all 'great' men think like this, think their time was so much more important than everyone else's, Kirito thought in annoyance, as his brow twitched ever so slightly.

"...I know you know something about me. You know about these dreams I've been having. I want answers, and I want them now. Please, you're the only person I can turn to."


	8. Chapter 8 the end of aincrad

**I've had terrible writer's block lately. I've been taking an online course, but I've had to use up so much mental energy doing assignments that I've had barely any for fiction, which is ridiculous, as I should have more mental stamina than this. So I hope you enjoy this update. It's harder for me to think of ideas when there's so much noise at home and barely any quiet time, which is how I think and imagine things. **

**Chapter 8 Reawakening Memories (and Yui comes into the fold) **

* * *

Human beings are odd. They're an odd, odd species. So strange, so unordinary, so odd.

Why are they the way they are? She knows she is a mere machine, an A.I, designed to do nothing more than watch over everyone trapped into this illusory world. She is an illusion, as much as this world itself is. It is quite odd to see some humans who are happy.

The majority of the populace trapped inside this inhumane prison wind up killing themselves, killing others, or going insane, much to her displeasure. She can't forget how many times she's seen people dead and cried over them, knowing she's not supposed to feel these things, she's supposed to be nothing but a mere illusion-someone who can't feel, someone who knows how it feels to be a mere immortal and watch, oh, just watch all the suffering she feels!

Oh, how lonely and wretched her existence is! How she wishes someone could understand her pain, her sorrow, her woe! But alas, no one hears the young A.I. known as Yui, the one who feels, who talks like a human being. She swears, while she is crying, that she hears someone singing a song to her, and stroking her long dark blue hair, and telling her it will be okay.

She looks up into a pair of golden eyes and gasps. The woman before her is very beautiful, with long emerald green locks that flow down her back; with a strange red mark on her forehead, and she wears an odd white and gray outfit that looks like a prisoner's outfit. Yui senses imminent sadness from this person, this lady is very lonely and unhappy, she is not human, she is immortal, unfeeling, like her.

"Are you like me...lady?" Yui sniffed.

The girl nodded. "Yes, you are a machine with a conscience, I am an immortal. You may call me C.C. Only one human being has ever known my real name. Shall I entrust you with the knowledge of my real name, little one?"

"What is a name...?" Yui asked.

"A name means...you're important to someone, you're existing. Right now, you are just a program, you see. Without feelings or thoughts to people. But the game you're in is causing lots and lots of emotions to pour into you. You're seeing the evil in people's hearts and the good. I've come to ask you a favor. Would you mind...trying to find a certain human being for me?"

"I can do that," Yui said. "I'm a program. I can find anyone in this world."

"He's a very special human to me. I would like to meet him again-he's the one who gave me faith and the power to keep on existing. His name is Lelouch. He's been reborn, you see."

"Reborn...I do not understand."

"Bits of data get deleted, you see," C.C. said, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "But humans can die and become someone else entirely, living life out in a different body, even a different gender. But no matter who Lelouch is now, I want to find him and get to know him again. Can you do that for me?"

Yui nodded. "In exchange, could you...seal my memories of me being a program? I want to live as an ordinary human...for a little while."

C.C. looked at her. "...I see. Then I will grant your wish, little one, in exchange for you helping me find who I care about most. Lelouch is a special boy."

"Thank you so much." Yui whispers as her memories vanish and she becomes a human for an _achingly _short time and all goes black.

* * *

When she meets the boy known as Kirito, C.C. is most surprised at this turn of events. She had not been expecting to meet Lelouch's reincarnation in such an odd way and in an unlikely event. Him fighting someone.

She had merely been watching an orange-haired girl fighting a monster when suddenly a black blur darted in and a black-haired young man showed up, slashing at the monster with his swords at super fast speed, almost comparable to that of Suzaku's.

It was hard for even C.C. to notice his movement, he was that fast. However, he caught her attention when he turned and she noted his face. Same spiky black hair, check. Same messy hair style, check. Same black outfit he always wore, check.

However, two things were different about him, no actually, four things were. First, his physical stamina and talent with swords. Lelouch had been terrible with exercise. Second, his ethnicity. He was Japanese now rather than Britannian. It was ironic, seeing Lelouch as a Japanese teen.

Third, he had grey eyes instead of purple. That was a change. She would miss Lelouch's eyes. Fourth, he seemed innocent and very naive, much unlike Lelouch. And finally, he was a stranger to her and she a stranger to him.

His eyes met hers and he stared at her before his brow rose, ever so slightly, before he spoke, his voice polite and neutral, but wary nonetheless. It was so weird hearing Lelouch speak Japanese like this. "...Excuse me, but who are you and why were you following us?"

She paused. Didn't he remember her? "Don't you recognize me, Lelouch?"

The boy jumped upon hearing that name. So he did remember. His grey eyes were wide in shock.

"How do you know that? That's not my name. My name's Kirito."

"Kirito...? Is that the name you call yourself now? I see. In a past life, we were partners, friends you might say. I'm glad I could find you again." She said, pushing her green hair back with her fingers.

He edged away from her, hands on his sword. "I don't trust you."

"Of course not. You've always been the paranoid type, haven't you?"

Kirito frowned at her, shaking his head. "You remind me too much of Heathcliff. I don't trust people like that. You're cruel."

C.C. laughed. "Me? Cruel. You were quite cruel in your past-"

Kirito laughed. "I'm nothing like what you think. I'm not some arrogant jerk who thinks everyone has to bow down to him."

C.C. looked at him. She watched him interact with Asuna in disbelief, as they interacted with the little girl named Yui.

'He really is different,' She mused.

She hung around with him for a bit before simply deciding to go on some adventures and level up. He could do his own thing.

Kirito stared at Yui. Why was she disappearing? This wasn't fair. She was just an innocent girl.

* * *

'A young girl was falling to the ground, blood streaming from her stomach, a gun falling from her hands, as her long pink hair trailed behind her. Her purple eyes were filled with confusion as she whispered...'Lelouch...why?'

'Another girl with green eyes and orange hair was lying on the ground, bleeding out and telling a boy she'd always love him...the boy cried and tried to bring her back to life, only to fail.'

Kirito shook these weird feelings off and watched in horror as Yui disappeared from Asuna's arms, leaving the poor girl a sobbing mess.

* * *

Kirito glared at Kayaba. "How could you do this? Lie to Asuna and me, and use all of us for your sick games?"

Kayaba laughed. "...Foolish boy. You may challenge my rule if you wish. But no one defeats me, I have full knowledge of your moves."

Kirito charged at him manically, swinging his swords back and forth, but Kayaba dodged every blow. _Dammit, how the hell was he so fast?_

Kirito heard a crack...and then his sword broke. He stared at it in horror. This was impossible.

"Goodbye, Kirito-kun," Kayaba said snidely, he swore he saw pure malice in the man's eyes as he raised up his blade to strike, give him the coup de grace, so to speak.

Kirito closed his eyes, preparing for the final blow, when suddenly, a figure races in front of him, taking the fatal blow instead. His eyes widened as he saw...a figure with long hair. It's not Asuna. It's that girl, the green-haired one.

Her HP gauge goes into the red zone and she stares at him, weakly, smiling. Asuna is still paralyzed, staring with wide eyes, apparently she had been moving towards Kirito but had stopped just in time, inches from Kayaba's blade.

"Why would you do this for a stranger?" Kirito whispered to the girl as she smiled.

"...We are not strangers, we are partners. Your life matters more than my own. I will not die. I cannot die. Farewell for a bit, Lelouch, or Kirito."

Then she shatters into pieces.

Kirito stares at where C.C was, looking shocked.

"Well, well. Of all people to interfere, I didn't think C.C the witch would intervene. How troublesome. It seems to me, she found you and couldn't help but sacrifice herself."

"You monster." Kirito growled.

"She'll survive. She's immortal, you see. She cannot die. That blow wasn't enough to kill her. She'll regenerate. As for you, though..."

Kirito feels the blade go straight through his chest, fuck, fuck this brings back bad memories. He remembers more now.

'Suzaku...kill me to bring peace to the world...peace for all...I destroyed worlds to create them anew...'

'Geass is a gift I wish to share with the people of the world, Suzaku.'

'I command you all, die.'

'You should only kill if you are only prepared to be killed.'

His HP goes down to zero, and then he disappears.

"Kirito-kun!" Asuna cries, horrified upon seeing her boyfriend disappear.

As he dies, however, a hand grabs his.

"You will not die here. You have a reason for living, a power that lies inside you. It's time to use it." She said, putting her lips on his.

Kirito stares at C.C. with wide eyes, as suddenly all the memories come back. Nunnally. Marianne, his old mother, Euphemia, the girl he killed with his Geass, the Black Knights, Shirley, a girl who died loving him, Suzaku, his best friend, the Student Council, Cornelia, the Royal Family, Rolo, Mao, Milly, and most importantly...a red sigil in his eyes.

He understands now why she sought him out. But the past is in the past. He cannot change what his old self did, he can only change the now.

"...I don't care about any of that." He says. "I want power to protect Asuna. Give me this power."

"All right then, Kirito. Your power is...it's different from how it was last time. In your old life, you could-"

"Control people's minds?" Kirito mutters. "Yeah, what is it this time?"

"Apparently, you can now read the feelings of others, and this power makes you physically stronger the more someone is hurt. Your Geass becomes stronger the more you protect someone. However, that will make you rely on others too much and if you overuse it, you will certainly go insane trying to tell people's feelings. Is that acceptable?"

"I agree to the terms of the contract." Kirito said. A blazing pain took over his left eye. Then all went black.

He stood back up then, his left eye glowing bright red and his other a strange golden color as he charges forward at Kayaba. "This is for nearly killing her!" He says as he destroys Kayaba.

Kayaba looks surprised but mutters an insult as he vanishes.

Asuna races to his side. "Kirito-kun!"

Kirito notices his eye has changed back to its regular color.

* * *

Right before SAO is destroyed, he, Asuna, C.C, and Kayaba talk.

"I knew you in a past life, you were my son. We didn't exactly get along. I'm sorry I treated you that way. I've grown up. Playing God was childish and immature."

Kirito shrugged. "The past is the past. However, killing Sachi and the others was uncalled for."

"I don't care how others feel. You're strong. The strong shall inherit the world. I will go now." He said, not even looking at them as he left.

"What will you two do now?" C.C. asked as Aincrad fell apart below them.

Kirito looked at Asuna. "Well, I suppose we'll both go back to school for a while."

Then everything heads to black as Asuna and Kirito kiss.

* * *

In the real world...

Shouzou Yuuki sat by his daughter's bedside, watching her sleeping figure. "Asuna..."

She suddenly stirs, surprising him. The old man watches his daughter's orange eyes open.

"Otousan..." She says, sitting up weakly. "I'm back...I'm home."

Her mother and brother are there. Her brother hugs her tightly, and her mother smiles wanly, though she can tell her mother is starting to cry.

"Two years...my daughter, I was without you. Two long years...finally, you're back."

Shouzou turned to the shocked figure in the doorway, and beckoned. "Come on in, Sugou-kun. You should see it, Asuna-chan has woken up."

Sugou's mouth fell open as he took in Asuna, who was sitting up, glaring at him fiercely.

His glasses fell off his face, he was so stunned. Before he picked them back up and put them on his face, he let out a sigh. "Well, I'm glad you're awake, Asuna. Are we going to get married?"

"She just woke up, and she's still unwell." Shouzou said, holding his daughter's hand protectively.

"I hate him. I'm not getting married to him." Asuna said coldly.

Her brother glared at Sugou.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Shouzou asked.

"Sugou-san has tried to take advantage of me before. When I was younger, he put his hand down my skirt and touched my chest, telling me it was okay. He's also touched my hair. I don't like him."

Shouzou's eyes widened upon hearing this before his lips settled into a frown. "Sugou-kun. Is this true?"

"How dare you take advantage of my daughter." Mrs. Yuuki said, getting up and glaring at Sugou, who was now paling.

'Damn it, how do they know? Why is she awake? My plans are ruined. Ruined. Thanks to that stupid brat. Think.'

"...She's lying. She's nothing but a miserable brat."

"Get out." Asuna's mother said, sharply. "You heard me, Nobuyuki. Get out. I don't want you near my daughter again. You hear me? You're not suitable for her. I don't want a man who defiles girls."

Sugou glared at them all and punched the wall as he went out. "You'll all be sorry, especially you, Asuna-chan!"

As he walked out, a foot tripped him and he fell on the ground.

A dark-haired girl was glaring at him, her blue eyes filled with anger.

"Keep your hands off girls, you pervert." Suguha said coldly. "People like you make the world a bad place."

Sugou ran off, terrified and vowing revenge.

'That was sweet little Shirley. I'll definitely make her mine and mine alone.' He thought, licking his lips.

Suguha led her brother out. "Onii-chan..."

"What is it-"

Kirito's mouth fell open as he took in a weak, emaciated Asuna.

"Asuna!" He said happily.

"Onii-chan, who's she?"

"She's my girlfriend. I met her inside the game. Her name's Asuna Yuuki."

"Pleasure to meet you. Are you Kirito-kun's sister?"

Suguha looked hurt for a moment, but swallowed and smiled. "I'm Suguha Kirigaya, his cousin. Pleasure to meet you."

They shook hands, though Asuna noticed a look of hurt cross Suguha's face before it disappeared.

* * *

Suguha sat on her bed, huddled in a small ball. 'I'm glad Onii-chan's awake...but he already found someone else...am I not good enough for him? Perhaps I can just...take things one step at a time. I have to be nice to her, she is a person after all. We can be friends. I want to get to know him first...then maybe I can fall in love with you, big brother. After all, we're only cousins.'

She fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9 who am I

**A/N:Kids, let's get ready for the next segment of this story. TT, I'm glad you like this story. I will be updating it. The pairing will be Kirisuna, however Kallen is not dead-Kallen is alive and will meet Kirito/Lelouch again. **

**Chapter 9 Reunited with the Red Knight (more musings, because we need more beautiful language) **

* * *

If there's one thing Kirito knows, it's that he has never been normal. He never has been.

After learning that his parents are not the parents he thought they were, suddenly he envisions _banishing them to hell where they belong, glaring at them, screaming that they deserve to burn for the crimes they have committed-_then the young dark-haired child snaps out of that and wonders, why the hell would I ever hate my parents?

All he is ever told is that his parents died in an accident. But for some reason, when Kirito closes his eyes and thinks of his parents having their accident, what he pictures is something far more unusual and different.

The kaleidoscope of dreams begins; his parents, his mother, clothed in royal clothing, with long, dark hair flowing behind her, smiling benignly; a wolf in sheep's clothing, and his father, cold, regal, imperious (the exact definition of a god or king) slowly walking with her, holding her hand, smiling. Suguha is right beside them, smiling, holding her hands in her mouth, as most children do, innocent, unconcerned.

Then, the windows blow apart; loud, banging noises, strange things come flying through the windows and hit both his mother and his father; they fall to the ground; his mother falls down a set of stairs; coming to a stop at the end of them, her lifeless hands falling to the ground; red, red, oh so much red spilling out of her as though someone had spilled wine on her dress; his father, looking cold and imperious in death as he had in life.

And Suguha. Suguha is huddling beneath them, terrified, eyes staring at nothing, shaking, convulsing, a horrifying mess, never the same again. Suguha is confined to a wheelchair (the wheelchair of hidden emotions, unable to ever move forward) her eyes blank and lifeless.

And he, Kazuto, is sitting there, watching, in horror, his mouth frozen in a scream that won't come past his lips and enter the air, his eyes are refusing to move from the scene before him; the red etches itself into his veins and becomes a part of him.

* * *

Then, when he meets his uncle for the first time, the way he reacts startles his uncle and his aunt.

He'd seen a big, tall man, striding into the room. The first thing he envisions is that big, tall scary man from his dreams, screaming things at him. "WORTHLESS! _WORTHLESS! I GIVE YOU LIFE AND YET YOU SAY THESE THINGS! YOU ARE WORTHLESS, ONLY GOOD AS A BARGAINI_NG TOOL!"

His uncle is startled when Kazuto does not greet him, instead Kazuto tries to rush him, tries to punch him while screaming that he hates this man, that he'll never, ever trust him. It ends as soon as it begins. Suddenly, Kazuto realizes that this man is not the man from his dreams and can be trusted. He starts crying, instead, puzzling both his aunt and his uncle.

Perhaps that is why, when the truth had been revealed to him about his parents, he'd felt nothing but a great sense of apathy to it. Almost like he's used to parents abandoning him _(somewhere inside him, he hears someone laughing, like they find his misery hilarious, a chess piece landing on someone's imaginary board, a smirk crawling up thin lips)_ then the young boy decides he's going to make a _world_ of his own.

A world where his little sister can smile and be free. Ah, but she's actually his cousin. It doesn't matter. She's his sister. He'll protect her, no matter what.

Ah, but he doesn't do that, he just_ ignores he_r, pushes her aside when she's not useful enough.

He's every bit as evil, as fucked up as Sugou is. All he has to do is look in the mirror and he can see his eye gleaming bright red, blood pouring down from his head, him begging, taunting Klein to shoot him, shoot him and end his suffering.

_'You killed your own father, right? Wallow in that misery!'_

Perhaps that is why he cannot look Klein in the eye, he feels nothing but confusing thoughts of anger, pain and anguish that he cannot explain. How exactly does one explain one life as a mass-murdering terrorist, then going to become the Black Swordsman who helps people out? The two are amusing contradictions.

Perhaps that's why a sword in his hands feels oh-so-right. He's killed before. The time he pointed that gun at his sister-and took her heart out-one time, he reacted badly when Suguha did a gesture of a gun going off and she wondered why he freaked out so badly about that.

Even if he knows more answers now, his heart _still_ has questions.

Why does it hurt so badly when he knows he's Japanese? Why does it hurt to hear that fucking word?

'You'll help me run the-Zone of Japan, right? Kill all the Japanese! Kill them all!'

He shoots up in bed, sweat pouring down his face in rivulets. For a second, he expects his hands to be clutching a sword, or blood. There is nothing. He feels nothing.

Is that why he felt nothing but relief when Keita told him the honest truth, that he was nothing more than a murderer and a liar, and then felt like laughing when the other plunged to his death?

"Kirito-san!" Silica cries, greeting her friend.

"_Nunnally?"_ He asks, expecting to see a wheelchair, a young princess, locked away, like Rapunzel.

She looks at him in pure and honest confusion. "My name's not Nunnally, Kirito-san. I'm Keiko. Keiko is my real name, remember."

Kirito blinks. "Ah, yeah! I must've forgotten, I'm sorry, Silica-chan." He pats her head.

Why is he expecting her to curse him out? To call him an awful person for using her to revive her pet? What is he talking about? He just used-no, helped her find her pet!

Yes, he is manipulative. Kirito_ is_ a manipulative person.

His head is spinning.

'Can't you just leave me alone!' He screams to Lelouch in his mind, but the other will not listen.

He cannot go on like this.

He can remember how he and Suguha found a baby bird, away from its mother, and how insistent he had been that they return it to its mother, as baby birds die without their mother.

_Much like him, no? _

"Kirito-kun, are you remembering?" Asuna squeezes his hand. It is infinitely reassuring to feel her hand, than to watch her hand fall to the ground, her cold, dead hand.

"Yes..." He mumbles.

"I knew he'd remember sooner than later," Suguha says, "I figured you'd remember me and what used to be. But I don't resent you for it. What you did."

"Sugu?" He asks. "What are you talking about?"

She takes him to the side, away from everyone else, and says, "You know, when you killed me and shot me. It was to save me from myself; you'd convinced me to kill people. Don't you remember the ability you had?"

'Mind control?'

The idea sounds so implausible that Kirito just laughs.

"Sugu, I don't have the capacity to order anyone to die." He says, cheerily, even as his hands are starting to shake.

"Onii-chan, I'm here for you. I just wanted you to know that even if you feel bad about ordering me to kill them, I forgive you. You're too gentle and soft-hearted." She says sharply.

Why do her words hurt him so badly?

Why?

* * *

He is sinking, sinking, sinking, in a sea of memories.

A girl with pink hair. Euphemia, Euphemia, Euphemia, Euphemia, ephemeral, here today, gone tomorrow. Angelic eyes, a sweet smile. They're not really siblings, only stepsiblings. A first crush gone wrong. Secrets confessed. Then hearts broken.

He can see her, smiling, covered in blood. Why is she smiling? Goddamn it, why is she smiling?

"Lelouch, Kirito-kun," She suddenly turns into Kayaba Akihiko, smiling, extending his hand, "Help me kill the Japanese. Help me kill all of them in SAO."

He extends his sword forward, (but he has no sword, only a gun. Why a gun, why, why, why, why? He points it at her. Since when was he wearing a mask? And fires.

Suguha falls, dead, in a pool of her own blood.

He is crying. Why is he crying?

He remembers what he did. And like a sudden sense of understanding, the world goes black as Kirito hits the floor in a dead faint.

'The Power of the King can condemn you to a life of isolation. IS that really what you desire?'

* * *

Suzaku has been thinking. He has been thinking for a long time over the boy he met; the reincarnation of his best friend, Lelouch. He has been stupid.

That's what his girlfriend told him when she threw those things at him.

It hurts when Kallen throws things, it does. But at least she warms up later.

"I've been thinking," He says to her, "There's someone I need to see."

"Who is that?" Kallen asks.

"Lelouch."

Just like that, her cerulean irises widen and suddenly she's the same distraught girl shedding tears over her precious Zero dying, over Lelouch dying. Over their Lelouch. How can he tell her he's not the same anymore?

"Impossible." She breathes, "He's dead-"

"He's been reborn. I met him, and he-he uh, hates my guts."

"Oh no," Her eyes narrow, "You **didn't** act all weird and angsty around him, did you?"

"_Uh_..." Suzaku trails off, avoiding her gaze.

She punches him. "That's why! You don't just come up to kids and ask if they're the reincarnation of your dead friend! That's why he doesn't like you! I think you should come up to him and apologize."

"...Uh...yeah, I should do that. I don't even know where he lives."

"You sound like a stalker," Kallen says. "That's creepy, you know. He's probably afraid you're some big, scary stalker."

"Kallen-" His breath is like ice, "He was in Sword Art Online, like me. He's not Lelouch, but he's been through hell. So he might not be as innocent as we think."

Her eyes sadden. "Poor Lelouch. He can never escape all that hardship. When I see him, I-"

"You just said it," Suzaku said, "We have no place in his life anymore."

She slaps him. "Not that. We go and explain it reasonably, like mature adults. Instead of expecting him to be the same boy we knew."

"You're not gonna whine for Zero?" He asks.

The object thrown at his head tells him her answer.

Kallen's a lively, strong girl, but she hides all the pain deep down inside.

Kallen has had many dreams, and many dreams of seeing Lelouch.

She may love Suzaku, but her heart will always have a spot for Lelouch.

* * *

He wakes to Asuna by his side, asking if he is all right.

"Shir-Asuna, I'm fine." He lies through his teeth.

She smiles. "I can tell when you're lying, Kirito-kun. You remember."

"Yeah," He mutters, "Enough that it makes sense. But it's still-"

_'Still not enough.' _

The pieces on the chess board are scattered, scattered by unknown hands. The black knight has arisen, but as the black swordsman.

"Hey, Asuna, could you see me wearing a mask?"

"Probably not. You wouldn't be Kirito-kun anymore if you did." She says back.


End file.
